Relationship anxiety: how to feel more secure with your partner

Relationship anxiety means worrying that your partner will leave you, even when things between you are good. Relationship anxiety is very common, and you can learn to feel more secure.

We make personalised affirmation tracks. You tell us your worry about your relationship, we write affirmations around the worry you describe, and you listen to the affirmations. Make a track about relationship anxiety.

Common signs of relationship anxiety include:

checking your partner's messages for a change in tone
asking your partner if they're annoyed, even after they've said no
worrying when your partner takes a while to reply
feeling anxious after a good weekend together

Psychologists call these habits anxious attachment, which means often worrying that a partner is losing interest and often needing to hear that everything is OK. Anxious attachment usually starts early in life, and anxious attachment can change over time.

Why relationship anxiety happens

Relationship anxiety usually comes from how you feel about yourself, rather than from anything your partner has done. If you don't feel good enough for your partner, you'll look for signs that they're about to leave. You may worry even more when the relationship is going well, as you have more to lose.

Why asking your partner if everything is OK only helps for a while

Asking your partner if everything is OK makes you feel better for a short time. The worry that your partner will leave then comes back, and you ask your partner if everything is OK again. Over time you ask your partner if everything is OK more and more often. Feeling secure in yourself helps more, because you then don't need to keep asking your partner if everything is OK.

How a track helps

Your track is a set of affirmations that we write about your worry about your relationship. Hearing your affirmations every day can help you feel calmer and more confident, in yourself and in your relationship.

Create my relationship track

One off payment, no subscription. Setting up your track takes a few minutes.

More on this, if you want it. Tap a heading to open it.

Things you can do today

These ideas come from research on couples. Each idea is free and easy to try.

When your partner tells you some good news, show interest and ask your partner about the news.
Thank your partner for something specific, for example 'thank you for cooking tonight'.
If you've been short with your partner, say sorry soon afterwards.
Spend 10 minutes a day doing something just for you.

When you order a track, you also get our relationships practice sheet with more ideas like these. Members get practice sheets for all 12 focus areas.

What you get

You describe your worry about your relationship, and we write 20 affirmations around the worry you describe. You choose how clearly you hear the affirmations, from spoken out loud to fully subliminal, and you choose the background sound. Your track arrives by email as a file you can keep.

Start your track here, or take the 2 minute inner voice quiz if you'd like help choosing a focus.

Membership gives you new tracks whenever you need them, a weekly affirmation and 5 minute resets for times you're feeling anxious.

I had never listened to subliminal tracks before and wow, I feel like I couldn't do without them now. More confident, less anxious, sleeping much better.

Carly, UK · verified review on Trustpilot

We also have pages on racing thoughts at night and imposter syndrome at work.

Give a track as a gift

You can send someone their own affirmation track as a gift. You can choose everything, or let the person choose their own focus. The gift arrives on the day you pick. Send a track as a gift.

Written by Sylvia, the founder of Build Your Inner Voice, a psychology graduate with nearly 20 years of leading teams.

When to speak to someone

Please speak to your GP or a therapist if relationship worries are affecting your daily life, or if you feel frightened in your relationship.

Free, any hour, if you need to talk to someone now:
UK and Ireland Samaritans, 116 123
United States Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, call or text 988
Anywhere else findahelpline.com lists the number for your country.

Common questions

Why do I feel like my partner will leave me when nothing is wrong?

The fear that your partner will leave usually comes from how you feel about yourself rather than from your partner. If you don't feel good enough for your partner, you may keep expecting them to leave, even when things are going well.

What's anxious attachment?

Anxious attachment is a way of relating to a partner where you often worry about them losing interest, and you often ask your partner if everything is OK. Anxious attachment usually starts early in life, and people can become more secure over time.

Why does asking my partner if everything is OK stop helping?

Asking your partner if everything is OK makes you feel better for a short time, and then the worry that your partner will leave comes back. Over time you ask your partner if everything is OK more often, and each answer makes you feel better for less time.

Can affirmations help with relationship anxiety?

Hearing positive statements about yourself regularly can help you feel calmer and more confident. Affirmations aren't a treatment and don't replace therapy.

Feel more secure in yourself and your relationship

Your track is written about your situation, and you keep the file.

Create my track